Read an Excerpt

4word

In July 2006, a one-woman show, The Four Man Plan, premiered in a tiny theater with a stack of self-published books on sale in the lobby. To be honest, when I called it a Dating Revolution at that time, I really thought it could be, but I was kind of blowing smoke. Turns out, I’m superpsychic! It’s all that and a box of bonbons. It’s not only a Dating Revolution, to all us girls The 4MP is Dating’s Evolution. It is an easy-to-follow scientific system that will teach you the basics of love, internal and external, as it should have been taught around the same time as high school.

The only requirement to becoming a 4MPlanner is a desire to take charge of your love life. Not just wishing and hoping and gluing pictures of J. Crew male models onto your vision board, I mean getting down and dirty with the subject of love and doing something about getting more of it into your life.

To my giddy delight and surprise, The 4MP is now being experimented with and enjoyed by everyone from teenage girls to sexagenarians. And just recently, I received news of a 4MPlanner getting engaged just five months after starting The Plan. They are blogging and cataloging, laughing and graphing all the way to the altar!

The input I’ve received from real women trying The Plan, whether loyalists or dabblers, has been invaluable. In this edition, I wanted to answer their questions and include their insights. The Four Man Plan is, after all, about what we can do to help one another and love ourselves.

If someone has given you this book as a gift, one of three things is happening:

1. Your gal pal is a 4MPlanner and having a blast. It’s definitely more fun with your friends along for the ride. Join in!

2. Your friend/relative/coworker is pretty sure you suck at love and is looking to give you a leg up. Don’t be offended–they love you and want you to be happy.

3. Your parents are using this book to replace or augment the awkward parent/child “sex talk.” Trust me, you’ll get the straight poop here from your cool aunt Cindy. Feel free to discuss it with them after you’ve read it. (It’s probably what they are hoping for.)

Are You Ready?

The structure for dating, the clear-cut answers about relationships that you’ve been waiting for, is finally here! The Four Man Plan starts where therapy and self-help books leave off. To begin, let us assume that you recognize that your parents are somewhere between flawed and psychotic, and that whatever was messing them up has had its part in messing you up. Cop to it and don’t let it get you down. It is not a life sentence.

It is a given that you have put considerable effort into the love thing and you are now in the red. All the time, energy, sacrifice, and heartache you have invested has added up to nothing more than a pile of empty Kleenex boxes, some blocked phone numbers, and one too many goddess ceremonies.

It is taken for granted that you are fabulous, smart, well liked, and successful in most other areas of your life. You have used your single time wisely to pursue your friendships and your career and your personal development. You’re independent; you know you don’t need a man. You are not a loser, you’re just single. Maybe it’s because you’re dating aimlessly. Maybe you’re in love with someone who just won’t give you what you need. Or maybe you’re dreading-Valentine’s-Day, cooking-for-one, sleeping-with-your-cat single. Very, very single. Are you starting to suspect that love is not your best subject?

In my circle of very smart and savvy single girlfriends, we swapped several forms of co-misery on a regular basis:

a. Bizarre dating stories:
“My date had five martinis in one hour.”
“My date had six toes on one foot.”

b. Frantic pleas for advice:
“Am I allowed to break up via e-mail?”
“What does it mean when he gives you a key and then changes the locks?”

c. Deep contemplations on a man-less existence:
“Is lesbianism something that can be learned?”
“Where do I pick up a nun application?”

d. Sweeping declarations against men:
“Snowball and I are doing just fine on our own!”
“A handyman and a vibrating ‘neck massager’ is all I need!”

For today’s women, these sentiments are common. We don’t know how to get the responses we crave from men. Either a sense of desperation and competition lights our panties on fire, or hopelessness and snap judgments turn our bedrooms into icy tundras. Finding ourselves in a healthy, mutual relationship with a man who is honest, loving, and willing seems as unlikely as the whole toad-turning-into-aprince line of BS we were fed as impressionable young girls. And as a result, women as a gender have been set askew.

Let’s face it, we know there is no jolly fat guy in a red suit. We know there is no giant bunny with a basket of painted eggs. We know there is no molar-obsessed fairy with a wingful of five-dollar bills. So why the hell would we still believe that there is some perfectly chiseled, castle-owning hottie who looks great in tights searching for us so he can fulfill his lifelong dream of sweeping us off our feet? Believing that your future love is “out there somewhere and will find me someday!” is about as practical as believing that about your lunch or your next paycheck.

While trying to pursue the elusive Prince Charming, I sold myself short, behaved badly, and put up with being disrespected over and over again. It took up a lot of my time and energy and left me feeling lonely and jaded. The Four Man Plan was my formula for setting myself straight.

Why do I need a plan?

Making a plan is not an act of desperation. It is the ultimate expression of faith and optimism. A plan simply outlines a design whose completion will still require divine input, surprise assistance, and all the other good stuff that makes life fun. It channels your efforts and articulates the intent that your desires are meant to be brought to life. Making a plan and sticking to it helps you weather the inevitable ups and downs that are inherent in obtaining anything worthwhile.

How effective is The Four Man Plan? I was about nine months into doing The 4MP when a handsome, successful, faithful, and sweet surprise of a man captured my heart. We have been together for over six years and live in a cute house with our three dogs. On March 10, 2007, we were married. It’s taken a lot of work to get here, but we are happy, stable, and in love. That’s right, I am the first success story of The Four Man Plan!

The following are reasonable expectations for any gal who gives The 4MP a college try:

* Raise your self-esteem by placing a higher value on yourself, your energy, your heart, and your vagina.

Choose and encourage men of quality and honor.

• Become the selector, not the selectee.

• Find emotional balance.

• Update a long-malfunctioning system of love.

• Make single life way more fun.

All that being said, going the extra mile and nerding out on The Plan may earn you the highest grade of all:

ONE man to save your seat, rub your feet, and grill your meat into happily ever after.

Will it work for you? You do the math.

(Don’t worry, you don’t have to actually be good at math. I’ll help you every step of the way.)

If You Are a Man

One of three things is going on:

1. You’ve accidentally stumbled into the ladies’ room.
Exit quietly, no one noticed.

2. You are a genius.
You know a 4MPlanner and you realized that the playbook was available to you. There is no harm or foul in your knowing and comprehending The Plan.

There is a wealth of information for you that will help you get ahead with your girl, and she should appreciate that you have taken the time to do your homework.

3. You are a gay man.
Oh goodie! I’m currently gathering data on gay men and The Plan. I need your input! Try it and then pretty please e-mail me and let me know how it works for you guys! www.thefourmanplan.com.