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Ruth E. Van Reken
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Letters Never Sent, a global nomad's journey from hurt to healing Paperback – Illustrated, March 25, 2012

by Ruth E Van Reken (Author)
4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 44 ratings
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Fully updated and revised, with additional 30 pages of photographs and epilogue. Ruth van Reken describes herself as 'a person in process' - someone whose life is made up of the continuous interplay between her inner and outer journey. For more than twenty-five years, Ruth has traveled to over 45 countries sharing what she has learned while 'listening to life' about the often paradoxical nature of growing up globally. What she has learned resonates with expatriate children and adults from all sectors - corporate, diplomatic, military, missionary, immigrant and refugees. Born and raised in Nigeria as the daughter of American missionaries, at age 39 Ruth needed to understand why, despite a life filled with rich experiences, a meaningful spiritual component, and family and friends who loved her, she often battled a secret depression. Through the journaling that became this book, she discovered that the very goodness of her life kept her from dealing with some of the challenges that also come with a global lifestyle - the realities of chronic cycles of separation and loss, reentry, and questions of identity. How could there be any struggles when she loved her childhood world so much? As a way of examining this 'other side' of her story, Ruth's began to write many letters home such as the girl known as Miss Question Box might have written. This book contains her story from ages six to thirty-nine. Today, in her mid-sixties, renowned internationally for her compassion, knowledge and insight into what it means to be a child growing up among worlds, van Reken, looks back over her life and adds a fascinating and reflective epilogue to a memoir that has already sold 32,000 copies and has helped and inspired its readers. Journaling has always been Ruth's first port in a storm. Writing her memoir this way is a natural part of her process. That she would also turn to her journal as a way of making sense of the cancer that knocked her 'out of line' for a couple of years, is no surprise. As she writes: "This is the power of journaling - to see the obvious but not yet named places in life." "Others who have experienced the many separations and losses in a childhood lived abroad will find Ruth's hurts their hurts, just as her healing becomes the beginning of their own." Norma M McCaig, Executive Director, Global Nomad's Society "Ruth Van Reken takes off all the spiritual masks and lets you look down into the deepest struggles of her soul." Phil Troyer, HCJB, Quito, Ecuador
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  1. Print length
    294 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    Summertime Publishing
  4. Publication date
    March 25, 2012
  5. Dimensions
    5 x 0.66 x 8 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    1904881483
  7. ISBN-13
    978-1904881483
  8. See all details
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Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Summertime Publishing; Illustrated edition (March 25, 2012)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 294 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1904881483
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1904881483
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 11.4 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5 x 0.66 x 8 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 44 ratings

About the author

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Ruth E. Van Reken

Ruth E. Van Reken

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Hi. As a citizen of the USA raised for thirteen years in Nigeria, I’m an adult Third Culture Kid (TCK) — that is, I, like many others, was raised for a significant portion of my childhood outside my parents’ culture. My father, children, and first grandchild are TCKs/CCKs as well.

My life has been a rich one, filled with great diversity. It’s very richness, however, kept me from understanding the significance of the losses a cross-cultural lifestyle filled with high mobility also includes. The loss of a home, country and land which which I dearly loved but weren’t officially mine and repeated separations from family and friends left me with unrecognized, and thus unresolved, grief.

At the age of thirty-nine, I began journaling, trying to understand the full impact of my childhood. Eventually this journaling became Letters I Never Wrote , later re-published as Letters Never Sent. Through that, I not only looked at my story, but I’ve met and interacted with countless TCKs and adult TCKs (ATCKs) of all backgrounds and nationalities as well.

Since 1984, I’ve been writing and speaking on this and other topics, including the book I co-authored with Dave Pollock, Third Culture Kids: The Experience of Growing Up Among Worlds. This book , gives the history of the topic, the TCK Profile Dave developed which describes the benefits and challenges of the TCK experience, and many chapters on how parents and others involved with TCKs can help them maximize their gifts and grow from the challenges. These basic issues we discuss relate to TCKs from every background — be they military, international business, foreign service, or missionary kids.

Customer reviews

4.5 out of 5 stars
4.5 out of 5
44 global ratings

Top reviews from the United States

Elizabeth
5.0 out of 5 stars thought they had to be perfect or could never admit weakness
Reviewed in the United States on March 10, 2018
Verified Purchase
I have had this book for several years but had avoided reading it because I sensed I would cry through most of it. And I was right: I cried through most of it. But I had found myself in a season of grief already, so I thought I might be ready to enter in to the sacred space of Ruth’s story. The book is about a Missionary Kid/Third Culture Kid who grew up in boarding school, but that is not all it is about.

Letters Never Sent is also for anyone who has grown up in Christian circles and, as a result, thought they had to be perfect or could never admit weakness. It’s for anyone trying to measure up and continuing to fail in their attempts. This book is even for anyone who grew up poor and wondered at the unfairness of the world (honestly it was refreshing for her to tackle such a seemingly “earthly” issue as that of money). And of course it is especially for those who grew up in boarding schools and didn’t feel permission to speak all of their feelings about it over the years.

Ruth is a generation (or more) ahead of me in life, yet every issue she tackled felt modern and relevant. Don’t skip it just because her TCK experience differs from yours, or because you are afraid of facing the grief. This is an important book.
2 people found this helpful
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Frankly Speaking
5.0 out of 5 stars Hits the Heart
Reviewed in the United States on June 1, 2014
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Letters Never Sent hits the heart of those of us who grew up in our parents' suitcases until we were old enough to carry them to boarding school or the next destination. We carry with us wonderful memories from our many travels, yet we also carry insufferable hurt as we try to assimilate or acculturate even back into our "passport" culture. Even our own parents, who were raised in their own "passport" countries cannot grasp what it means to us to move in environments as a "TCK" or Third Culture Kid.

Stick with the book through the first part... the reward comes from the middle to the end, when Ruth discusses the healing process from a faithful Christian perspective. Ruth's healing process helps a TCK find meaning in behaviors which are unique to adults who experienced this lifestyle growing up... making friends quickly, depression and grief from too many losses or traumatic experiences, and difficulty with fitting into cultural community groups, especially in the USA and the alienation that follows...
2 people found this helpful
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Carol K. Phillips
4.0 out of 5 stars Moving
Reviewed in the United States on November 2, 2014
Very moving book about the effects of mission child being sent from home for schooling and trying to adjust to life back in the homeland.
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Ute Limacher-Riebold
5.0 out of 5 stars A must read for every TCK and every parent of a TCK
Reviewed in the United States on October 28, 2013
Verified Purchase
This book gives an important insight into the life of a TCK. Ruth van Reken describes what life as a TCK was in the fifties and sixties. No telephone, very slow mail and the complete loneliness of a child growing up among worlds.
The loneliness and the grief children experience while growing up as TCK still seems to be a taboo nowadays. Children on the move are often asked to be resilient, to adapt and to be grateful for the life they're leading. Today we know that those children need more support (like Ruth van Reken and David Pollock did brilliantly point out in " Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds, Revised Edition "). - This book is a must read for every parent of a TCK and every TCK!
One person found this helpful
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Teen mom
5.0 out of 5 stars Moving even for the non religious
Reviewed in the United States on January 23, 2016
Verified Purchase
Although I admit I was surprised about how much about her christian beliefs were presented, l learned to look beyond religion and read the scriptures she includes as words of wisdom, reflections. I particularly like the epilogue. It wraps up her experience and gives it a broader context , helping other types of TCK understand her story
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sherilyn s gant
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent book; touches on issues of children growing up ...
Reviewed in the United States on February 8, 2018
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Excellent book; touches on issues of children growing up in a third culture, separation from parents for educational reasons, and the healing touch of true communication.
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E J Elliston
5.0 out of 5 stars A Must Read for Parents who work cross-culturally
Reviewed in the United States on September 15, 2016
Verified Purchase
A classic to understand missionary kids and third culture kids adjustment issues through a lifetime.
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tomer daniela
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Reviewed in the United States on November 9, 2017
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So powerful
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Top reviews from other countries

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Tineke
5.0 out of 5 stars Beautifully written
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 17, 2023
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Beautifully written, this is a personal account but with global significance. A joy to read as all things come full circle.
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Andreas Huber
5.0 out of 5 stars Touching
Reviewed in Germany on January 11, 2018
Verified Purchase
This book has touched me deeply. I am thankful for Ruth's openness about her life story. May it be of help to many others as well.
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Esther
5.0 out of 5 stars Just what I needed to read.
Reviewed in Australia on September 21, 2020
Verified Purchase
These letters resonate deeply with me. They help me on my own journey as I give myself permission to grieve my own childhood losses. Thank you Ruth Van Reken for your vulnerability and honesty.
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M Salmon
5.0 out of 5 stars Soothing for the soul...
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 10, 2016
Verified Purchase
This is a superlative collection of writings, exposing, and explaining the workings of the mind of a child, from the perspective of the adult, to bring understanding, and work towards closure. Highly recommended for any whose childhoods have been "unusual"...
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