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Amanda Green
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My Alien Self: My Journey Back to Me Kindle Edition

by Amanda Green (Author), Debz Hobbs-Wyatt (Editor) Format: Kindle Edition
4.1 4.1 out of 5 stars 90 ratings
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A memoir of mental illness, a dysfunctional family, risky behaviours and recovery. Contains explicit language and sexual scenes
Previous page
  1. Print length
    488 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Sticky notes
    On Kindle Scribe
  4. Publication date
    May 29, 2012
  5. File size
    1013 KB
  6. Page Flip
    Enabled
  7. Word Wise
    Enabled
  8. Enhanced typesetting
    Enabled
  9. See all details
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Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ B0087HBUWU
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Amanda Green; 1st edition (May 29, 2012)
  • Publication date ‏ : ‎ May 29, 2012
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • File size ‏ : ‎ 1013 KB
  • Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
  • Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • X-Ray ‏ : ‎ Not Enabled
  • Word Wise ‏ : ‎ Enabled
  • Sticky notes ‏ : ‎ On Kindle Scribe
  • Print length ‏ : ‎ 488 pages
  • Page numbers source ISBN ‏ : ‎ 1493784862
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.1 4.1 out of 5 stars 90 ratings

About the author

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Amanda Green

Amanda Green

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An amazing 10 years has passed since publishing my memoir '39' during which I began training as a counsellor through times of troubling moods. I have now been a private Psychotherapist/Counsellor for six years, working with individuals with anxiety, low mood and BPD traits. I have just launched my 'Therapeutic Programme for Overcoming Anxiety' on Vimeo; a 14 part video series to help you be the best version of you that you can be. You can find it here: https://vimeo.com/ondemand/sandradean

Thank you to everyone for reading my books - I love reading your reviews and comments :-)

Customer reviews

4.1 out of 5 stars
4.1 out of 5
90 global ratings

Top reviews from the United States

Jo Robinson
5.0 out of 5 stars An Inspiring Read
Reviewed in the United States on May 10, 2013
Verified Purchase
I have a fascination with the human psyche, and often read memoirs of people whose lives have been shaped or twisted by mental illness. This book tells the story of a woman's journey from a dysfunctional childhood of what must have been a very disturbing conflict of the emotions of fear, shame, happiness, and love, living with a mentally ill parent, to her own freefall into the world of abuse, promiscuity, drugs, alcohol, self-harm, and the diagnosing of her own mental illness. I cringed with the author as she shared details of her life honestly and with candour, that must have been astoundingly hard to put down in a book for all the world to see, and I cheered with her as she used her own intelligence and strong will to fight her demons, to forgive, love, and try to overcome the hand that life had dealt her. This book is the well written, honest, shocking, and also funny and interesting story of one woman's decision to swim and not sink. I loved the tales of her travels around the world also. A talented author with the ability to "take you there". Kudos to Amanda Green for sharing her life story, so others with similar problems can see that there is always hope.
7 people found this helpful
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book lover
4.0 out of 5 stars Insightful
Reviewed in the United States on May 1, 2019
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Your story really shed a light on mental illness,depression,anxiety. That's for sharing your story. And for showing that even if you have those or other disorders that there is help,there is support and sources to help and that it's not all hopeless. Just keep fighting and winning.
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Diane Torres
5.0 out of 5 stars Understanding BPD While Walking on Eggshells
Reviewed in the United States on October 24, 2016
Verified Purchase
Amanda Greene has a great big generous heart to lay bare the most cringeworthy moments of her life to heal herself and help others who are fellow suffers of BPD and a smorgasbord of other mental illnesses. Surmounting stigmas that would deter a more timid soul, Amanda Greene takes us through the cause and effect of a dysfunctional childhood with a mentally ill parent and her own coping mechanisms that were initially to her detriment.

I underlined and bookmarked passages front to back that rang so true they must be revisited from time to time. I recommend the Kindle version so as to understand some of the charming "British informal" colloquialisms sprinkled throughout. 😊

Amanda's journey toward self discovery and healing show a dogged determination that pitted her against many obstacles she would work tirelessly to surmount. Ultimately, "My Alien Self: My Journey Back to Me," is a triumph of the human spirit that chooses life, warts and all, over despair and defeat.
One person found this helpful
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tammi
1.0 out of 5 stars confusing
Reviewed in the United States on September 7, 2012
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it was obviously british. that and i couldnt follow it the way the writer kept going back and forth in time. i think she should have wrote about her life in one single timeline leading up to her recovery.
5 people found this helpful
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Meagan Woodard
5.0 out of 5 stars This book gave me hope.
Reviewed in the United States on September 14, 2012
Verified Purchase
I very much enjoyed reading this memoir. It reminded me a lot of myself - except for all the exciting traveling. This book very clearly explained the symptoms of borderline personality disorder, and what life was actually like for Amanda while going through this. It was difficult for her at first, but she learned how to cope with her out-of-control emotions, anger, and OCD through various forms of therapy. Reading this has given me hope as a sufferer of BPD. It lets me know that maybe this pain WILL end and that there's a way out if I look for it. This has encouraged me to continue down the path I'm on, trying to recover using therapy and soul-searching. I understand from reading her account that it will be difficult, but at least I know now that it's possible. This is a MUST READ for anyone struggling with borderline personality disorder and thinking there is no way out. Amanda has shown that there is hope for people with mental health issues. I would recommend this book to anyone who has BPD or has loved one that does.
5 people found this helpful
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OlgaNM
4.0 out of 5 stars Memoirs, mental disorder and finding your path to recovery
Reviewed in the United States on April 23, 2014
I am a psychiatrist and as such I do have a professional (as well as a personal) interest in personal/first-hand accounts of mental illness (or disorder) and not only professional or text-book descriptions. Of course over the years I have heard many patients/clients/service-users (choose whichever you prefer, I won’t enter the heated debates on which is the best term to use) talking about their experiences, but those have been mostly in response to specific questions, rather than their own preferred expressions or commentaries, and mostly at times of crisis.
I have also read a number of more literary versions of mental illness (sometimes recommended by people I was working with, including patients, like Silvia Plath’s ‘The Bell Jar’, others I’ve discovered myself when reading some of my favourite writers: F. Scott Fitzgerald’s ‘The Crack-Up’ or Virginia Woolf’s ‘Mrs Dalloway’). They are great works by fantastic writers and well-worth a read, even if the subject of mental health is not close to your heart.
What Ms. Green’s book provides is not only an account of a mental disorder sufferer (despite the diagnostic difficulties that as she observes plague the field), but a memoir of her life, her quest for finding her true self and the process of her re-discovery. And her life is far from boring. Travelling far and wide (across the UK, Spain, Japan, Australia, Borneo…), with interests as varied as the creation and management of websites, property development, Orangutan, the entertainment industry…dabbling in drugs and alcohol, complicated family relationships and a difficult love life, Ms. Green’s account is gripping stuff in its own right. And her writing expresses well the ups and downs and the subjective nature of the narration.
Having worked as a psychiatrist in the NHS (National Health Service in the UK, the same one the author seeks help from) I can see things from a professional perspective (and although the system tries hard to avoid the ‘us and them’ dichotomy it’s not easy). I fully understand why she might not have received more intense help before. Mental Health Services struggle to provide support and care for people who cannot cope even on a basic level and who present an immediate and major risk to self (people repeatedly attempting suicide, severe self-harm or severely neglecting themselves) or others (threatening to harm others or doing so) for lengthy periods of time. It is less than an ideal situation; the services are stretched to the limit and mostly dealing with crises, but that is a true reflection of affairs. There is hope that service-user led movements and the voluntary sector will help to fill in the gaps, but prioritising is difficult.
The nature and characteristics of Borderline Personality Disorder with its difficulties in trusting people, impulsivity and inconsistent engagement (well reflected in ‘My Alien Self’) cause problems of its own not easily managed by the psychiatric services as they are currently set.
The author of ‘My Alien Self’ has managed to find herself, to create her own combination of therapies (learned over the years, including mindfulness, CBT, CAT, yoga, medication…) and more importantly she has had the courage to go through her life, collecting and reliving her experiences and having a hard look at her past, the most difficult part of any therapy.
‘My Alien Self’ is a book difficult to read for anybody with mental health issues and also for professionals, but precisely because of that it’s a book that needs to be read. I salute Ms. Green for her guts and congratulate her for her achievements. And I agree with her. It is a battle that has to be fought every day, but I’m sure she’ll win the war.
One person found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

Kare
5.0 out of 5 stars Extraordinary Read!!!
Reviewed in Canada on May 6, 2013
Verified Purchase
A MUST READ! Regardless of where your path in life has taken you, after reading this amazing book, you know you are not alone if you have experienced any of what the author has persevered. Kudos and Thanks to Amanda Green for sharing her journey. There is light at the end of the tunnel.
2 people found this helpful
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Daisy64
5.0 out of 5 stars Very insightful & a fascinating memoir!
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 6, 2013
Verified Purchase
I had been itching to read this book for such a long time and when life finally allowed me the time to do so I wasn't disappointed with what I found!

Amanda has certainly led a full and varied life and there were many parts of this memoir which I could resonate with, drawing parallels with my own life experiences. There were other instances which simply intrigued and fascinated me and frankly left me in awe.

The underlying purpose of this memoir is to raise awareness of Borderline Personality Disorder, what it means, how it affects sufferers' lives (and those around them), and what treatments are available. It follows Amanda's very own journey from the first indications that something wasn't quite right, to the realisation that actually there is a name for this disorder, and then her treatment and care plan following her route to recovery and finding her true self. Like any memoir, it has some very dark moments, but there are also some very positive and uplifting moments, especially when Amanda documents the changes she can see in herself during CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy). This book is not only an inspirational life story it is also very educational and insightful. We can all read information on the Internet about mental health issues and treatments, but it's a completely different thing to read the raw and honest life story of a sufferer who is baring her soul, brave enough to confront a subject which is full of stigma and often taboo. With more people like Amanda in this world willing to reveal all to those who care to listen, a greater awareness is inevitable. I salute her for her courage and determination.

Putting the mental health issues aside, this memoir is a fabulous story of relationships (both romantic and family), risk taking, ambitions, determination to succeed, and well... a woman's journey and how to cope with and overcome life's trials.

I found Amanda's writing style refreshing. Most of the time it felt like she was talking to me, friend to friend. Also, drawing extracts from diaries she had kept over the years was a nice touch. She writes expressively, clearly and methodically. Very well done and highly recommended.

I am so impressed with this book that I have already downloaded her sequel, "39", which will bring me up to date on the progress of her recovery.
One person found this helpful
 Report
OlgaNM
4.0 out of 5 stars My Alien Self by Amanda Green. Memoirs, mental disorder and finding your path to recovery
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 23, 2014
Verified Purchase
I am a psychiatrist and as such I do have a professional (as well as a personal) interest in personal/first-hand accounts of mental illness (or disorder) and not only professional or text-book descriptions. Of course over the years I have heard many patients/clients/service-users (choose whichever you prefer, I won’t enter the heated debates on which is the best term to use) talking about their experiences, but those have been mostly in response to specific questions, rather than their own preferred expressions or commentaries, and mostly at times of crisis.
I have also read a number of more literary versions of mental illness (sometimes recommended by people I was working with, including patients, like Silvia Plath’s ‘The Bell Jar’, others I’ve discovered myself when reading some of my favourite writers: F. Scott Fitzgerald’s ‘The Crack-Up’ or Virginia Woolf’s ‘Mrs Dalloway’). They are great works by fantastic writers and well-worth a read, even if the subject of mental health is not close to your heart.
What Ms. Green’s book provides is not only an account of a mental disorder sufferer (despite the diagnostic difficulties that as she observes plague the field), but a memoir of her life, her quest for finding her true self and the process of her re-discovery. And her life is far from boring. Travelling far and wide (across the UK, Spain, Japan, Australia, Borneo…), with interests as varied as the creation and management of websites, property development, Orangutan, the entertainment industry…dabbling in drugs and alcohol, complicated family relationships and a difficult love life, Ms. Green’s account is gripping stuff in its own right. And her writing expresses well the ups and downs and the subjective nature of the narration.
Having worked as a psychiatrist in the NHS (National Health Service in the UK, the same one the author seeks help from) I can see things from a professional perspective (and although the system tries hard to avoid the ‘us and them’ dichotomy it’s not easy). I fully understand why she might not have received more intense help before. Mental Health Services struggle to provide support and care for people who cannot cope even on a basic level and who present an immediate and major risk to self (people repeatedly attempting suicide, severe self-harm or severely neglecting themselves) or others (threatening to harm others or doing so) for lengthy periods of time. It is less than an ideal situation; the services are stretched to the limit and mostly dealing with crises, but that is a true reflection of affairs. There is hope that service-user led movements and the voluntary sector will help to fill in the gaps, but prioritising is difficult.
The nature and characteristics of Borderline Personality Disorder with its difficulties in trusting people, impulsivity and inconsistent engagement (well reflected in ‘My Alien Self’) cause problems of its own not easily managed by the psychiatric services as they are currently set.
The author of ‘My Alien Self’ has managed to find herself, to create her own combination of therapies (learned over the years, including mindfulness, CBT, CAT, yoga, medication…) and more importantly she has had the courage to go through her life, collecting and reliving her experiences and having a hard look at her past, the most difficult part of any therapy.
‘My Alien Self’ is a book difficult to read for anybody with mental health issues and also for professionals, but precisely because of that it’s a book that needs to be read. I salute Ms. Green for her guts and congratulate her for her achievements. And I agree with her. It is a battle that has to be fought every day, but I’m sure she’ll win the war.
6 people found this helpful
 Report
Mrs. Rachael Phillips
5.0 out of 5 stars A brave and honest story that has stayed with me
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on March 25, 2013
Verified Purchase
I read this book a few weeks ago and struggled to find the words to write a review. Not because I didn't like it but because I wanted to do it justice. I believe many will relate to a book like this either from personal experiences of mental health issues or of others they know. The story highlights the stigma still attached to mental health issues which is so frustrating. It demonstrates how hard it can be to ask for help and then to actually get help. It shows this young woman's determination to get better and to find a way to identify and recover from her BPD and OCD among other things.

Mental health issues have been misunderstood for so long and books like this one should help others to understand they are not alone and that help is there. It is a very brave and compelling read written with sincerity and brutal honesty. I believe 'Amanda' has written it in her own voice and in her own style, which works well for her story and the lack of detail of certain areas, as other reviewers have referred, is not necessary as the focus is on Amanda, as it should be for this type of story.

To lay yourself bare, warts and all, for all to read about is very brave and while there are aspects of the story that annoyed me I quickly realised that if I had written about my life then I would have those moments too! It is so easy to judge and hopefully this book will help others to understand the sometimes irrational reactions and actions of those suffering from mental health issues. It is not a choice to suffer from such illnesses and with help recovery can begin. Well done on sharing your story Amanda.
4 people found this helpful
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S. Small
4.0 out of 5 stars Honest and brave
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 23, 2012
Verified Purchase
I finished reading this book exactly one month ago. I find it really difficult to review a book that is, essentially, the story of another persons life. For this reason I have taken some time to try and strike a balance between the story and its presentation, which I truly hope I have managed to do.

The story is a no-holds-barred, this is me, account of a life packed with extremes. On many occasions I found myself actively disliking the writer. When it first happened I took a cup of coffee into my garden and thought about what I was feeling. I've undergone Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and it's good to discover why we feel the way we do instead of just reacting. My conclusion was that the author didn't like herself, at that point in her life, and I was feeling what she had felt.

I am in awe of Amanda's courage in writing this book and there were many times when she could have been describing me. For this reason I totally agree with Amanda's wanting to change the way mental illness is viewed and this leads to the presentation of the book.

I have long held the belief that mental illness is simply the way an individual mind deals with the realities of life. Society wants to file everything into neat little boxes, which in turn complicates things even more. However, I really believe that any approach to this subject is better left to after the personal story.

I actually skipped over parts that, to be brutally honest, felt a bit 'preachy' to continue the story. These parts of the book are, I feel, as important to Amanda as her personal journey and it would be a shame for them to be overlooked as they do contain an awful lot of really important information. This, I believe, is where there needs to be some serious editing; if only to separate the life that was from the life that is.
9 people found this helpful
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